for this past week, i was quite a busy busy girl. hahaha.
i went for training on tues and thurs. tues (6pm-9pm) thurs (5pm-10pm) COOOL.
and by end tues, my entire body was aching like an old man. yet, my determination found myself going for training on thursday and I was ALMOST dead. during training, my body was trembling like a vibrator! and after training, i felt that my foot weighed like a house.
til today, my body feels so damn stiff and hard. PRACTICALLY any available muscle (hidden behind bones, inside joints or any available ones) is painful and stiff.
when i stand i dread to sit, when i sit, i cant stand, when i walk i cant stop. OMG.
okay, busy girl.
from next week onwards..
mon wed = free days + tuition
tues thurs = school + training
friday = school + hanging out with wa-babe day + stay wa-babe house day
saturday = study day
sunday = study + tuition day
oh i know, that the music is fine like sparklin’ wine, so go and have your fun.
laugh and sing but while we are apart, dont give your heart to anyone.
And dont forget who is taking you home.
and in whose arms you are going to be.
baby dont you know I love you so? cant you feel it when we touch?
I will never never let you go. I love you oh so much!
But if you chose to go, I will never never say No.
and when its time to let go, I’d open my arms and show you the way.
But dont forget, darling darling, I love you so.
(good things do last. I love my family.)
good things never last they say. Like, “the world has no banquet that never ends.”
the pure white snow will turn into rain.
the blossomed flower will wither.
–>> why am I not embracing the snow and admiring the blossomed flower, instead, I am crying over the rain that will come and wash away the withered leaves.
negativity. when it sets in, its hard to kick it out.
And Life has shown no mercy, it can tear my soul apart, it can make me feel like i’ve gone crazy but i’ve not. If only I could control my mind better and not be so paranoid and scared. It’s so scary that it seems i’ve no control of my own life, my own health. I dont want Life to rule my life.
I’ve came to a point, I’ve to forcefully induce positivity in myself.
It’s like nthg is confirmed, but I’m feeling so scared for nothing and its really scary. yet I cannot kick off that thought.
Am I going crazy? I am incoherent. Why am I being so pessimistic?
love Eden’s cafe. hahaha. i really do. but i guess the food is not for ppl like me and my friends.
cheapo ppl always value what the dollar can bring us. so for $24 X 11 we felt that the food werent sufficient and everyone was still complaining they were hungry. so we head down to maxwell market for MORE dinner. and i really ate alot. then, i went down to caesars for a drink to wait for wasabii to end work.
anw, i was so angry!! i went to topman and i saw my teeshirt, i bought for $36 like a week ago?! and yesterday, i saw it for HALF PRICE! SHIT!! hais.. i bought like a pretty alot of teeshirts for sch since i’ve decided to abandone my ugly image. hahaha. my geek image will soon be replaced by a handsome image. Opps. but i realised i havent bought many bottoms. i kept buying tops. shld buy some soon.
my eyes esp. the left one, look abit weird nowadays. notice picnic photos. it also look abit weird.
i need to be handsome sooon. not for anyone. but myself!
nobody said it’d be easy. but nobody said it’d be that hard.
i dont feel well. i dont feel happy. i dont feel fulfilled. i dont feel like smiling. i dont feel like singing. i dont feel like talking.
i feel a void. i feel emptiness. i feel abandoned. i feel used. i feel taken for granted. i feel upset. i feel like crying. i feel neglected. i feel the world is ugly. i feel lost. i feel sadness and nothing else.
fake.fake.fake.fake.fake. everything is fake.
i wish humans werent plastic. i wish humans werent hypocritical. i wish humans werent deceiving. i wish humans are transparent. i wish…
i wish i didnt have to feel like this.
today is my birthday! wahahahaha.
*sings birthday song*
i spent friday, saturday and sunday celebrating.
friday - movie, dinner at eden’s cafe then drinks at toca-me followed by supper opposite play club. TOTAL COST? about $250. for 2 pax.
saturday - woke up at 4pm, went to cine, had dinner. then drinks at balcony with cousin and friends. TOTAL COST? about $50
sunday - lunch at SHOKUDO (food bazaar), yami yoghurt at suntec, then dinner at soup restaurant. TOTAL COST? $270.
cool.
birthdays are extravagant!
and thanks for all my pals and your surprises which are not very surprisinssss (eg. the cakie and an addition member joining in). hahahha, and honestly, i was quite sad last night cos liyanah mei and jooonz-jie didnt text me happiebuffday. I thought they forgot abt me now since they got botanical date and cgg RESPECTIVELY and all i’m left with are friends who are left on the shelf. But i was quite touched to tears when you guys still havent forgotten about the handsome me.
hees. okay.
anw, talking about being handsome. wasabii threw my contact lens away when she was drunk! so i had to wear glasses. BOO!
but today i went to buy contact lens from this salesgirl. and i asked her, dont you give free gift? like a free solution or sthg? she said NO! its already on discount. then i said, “but its my birthday today…(shy face)”
salegirl walks away..
comes back with a bottle of solution, “this is for you, happy birthday!. you’re so cute!”
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!
(being a true blue cheapo.)
from my previous post, you can tell that i’m pretty much trying to get a life and behave like a damnass human; trying to cherish whatever I am losing- holiday time. so i spent more of my time, AWAKE.
last night, i had drinks at 2 pubs, reached ‘home’ at 5am, puked, slept for1 hr(?) did i even slp?
woke up, took a BUS(damn it, i cldnt even afford cab home. LOSER!), reached home at 10am with a TERRIBLE HANGOVER and slept til about 1.30pm.
wokeup, watched some dramas and prepared to go for picnic. PICNIC WAS FUN AND FOODIE WAS GREAT at fort canning. I took some handsome photos on the swing…(inserts shy face)
After picnic, we went to sing at Kbox in cineleisure. OMG, and being cheaposss… we spent $15 for the 8.30pm-11.30pm slot. but we stayed till 1.30am. meaning stretching our dollar! wahahahaha, and i totally maxed my $15 because i was singing throughout the entire 5hours. my throat is swollen now, i can feel it between my gums!
anw, had great fun! see you pals. BYE!
yesterday i had a wake up call. =)
stop hankering over things. if its yours, you cant hide. if it isnt, you cant fight.
so, i’ve decided to spend the rest of my holiday (2 weeks) happily before school starts. i realised that the holiday is damn short now although it lasted for 3mths. humans, we are, we always dont cherish the present state and when it’s slowly vanishing, we start to panic and grasp very moment of it. damn.
this is for everyone out there.
when I was in primary school, I was dying to get to secondary school. When I was in secondary school, I was dying to go to junior college, when I was there, I was dying to go to university. Now I’m here, I’m dying to go back to past times. Then I realised that I havent lived. I’m always trying to die.
LIVE A LIFE, GET A LIFE. =)
signoff,
philosopher charmaine tan.
how many more times can we start afresh before we both wear out?
how many more times do we need to hurt each other before we’d let go?
how much patience, tolerance and trust is needed to sustain this?
how much love do i need to have for you to endure this?
I am so tired, I really wish you can spare me. spare me these nonsense.
